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FIND THE
RIGHT LEVEL OF CONFIDENCE
10-9-09
Two things
can destroy you on almost any job. One is constantly apologizing and
showing no confidence in yourself or, on the other extreme, being
unaware or in denial about your weaknesses. While he latter is
intolerable, I do believe the overly-apologetic person is the more
aggravating.
I once had a man who worked on my staff as a counselor. He was
intelligent and likable -- a kind and thoughtful person. He was an
excellent counselor. He loved and held the respect of the young people
he served. I cannot remember that he ever made a serious mistake. His
only fault was constantly saying, “I am sorry.” It got on my nerves so
much that I talked to him about it several times.
I said, “Man, who has beat you down? Was it something in your childhood?
Or a teacher that made you stand in the corner or write a thousand
times, ‘I have been a bad little boy?’ You are a great employee and
everybody likes you. Why don’t you like yourself?”
I tried and tried to gain some understanding of his annoying habit. I am
sorry to say that I never was able to get the slightest insight. To this
day, I feel that I let him down. In other words, I’m sorry, too.
One day he entered my office apologizing. All he got out was,”I am
sorry” and I popped my cork. Almost screaming I said, “Don’t you ever
walk up to me again saying you’re sorry! I’ll fire you if you do! You
are a good man and I want you to start acting like one.”
He hung his head and mumbled, “I am sorry.”
I wanted to pinch his head off before he could reproduce but it tickled
me so much I fell into convulsive laughter. I did not fire him and he
never changed one iota. I believe if I ran into him on the street or in
a mall right now he would start off with, “I am sorry.”
He held some good jobs before he came to work for me and he held higher
positions after he left my program. It has always amazed me that no one
who supervised him over his work years ever got fed up and fired him. I
think it was his sterling character and pleasant nature that saved his
neck.
No matter how sterling your character and how many bees swarm you
because you are so sweet, don’t walk around saying, “I am sorry.” Never
apologize unless you know you made a mistake or your supervisor points
one out to you. It screams out to everyone, “Here is a poor little
wounded child.”
I also had a man at the other extreme. He kept doing things he should
not have done and finally got into acts bordering on the illegal like
hiring boys who were not eligible because he wanted to help U.T.’s
football program. He didn’t think I would fire him because he had high
level political friends, but i did fire him. He petitioned for a hearing
before my boss and when my boss asked him why he hired boys who were not
eligible, he said, “I was just trying to help the Big Orange.”
He was one of the most amiable men I have ever known but he never
acknowledged that he was wrong. My boss and an attorney told him he was
wrong -- even his co-workers told him -- but he remained in denial until
the end.
One of these employees had too little confidence and the other had too
much. I’ve always thought these two cases drive home the truth that
striking a balance in confidence can help us hold a job and if you can’t
strike that balance, strong character may be the only thing that will
save your hide.
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