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Dalton
Roberts |
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April Wyatt forwarded some answers given by 2nd grade school children. I seldom open forwards but I never can resist those with fresh and authentic answers by children. The class was asked, “If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?” A child wrote, “To make her smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.” This one reminded me of a prank I pulled on my sister. She’s my sweetest friend now but there were years when we terrorized each other. Our father loved hot peppers. No pepper was hot enough for him if it didn’t make him dance all over the kitchen yelping like a run-over dog. It was an unrhythmic dance, unlike Cindy Pinion clogging to “Rocky Top.” His pain interrupted the normal flow of brain electricity. At the end he had that blank look on his face like an epileptic after a seizure. One time he brought home some little round peppers about the size of a grape. They would have brought a Chinese sumo wrestler to his knees. The first time he bit into one Mom said, “Reckon we ought to call the fire department to hose him down?” Shortly thereafter my sis was reading a comic book on the front porch and I asked if she wanted a piece of bubble gum. She grunted affirmatively so I slipped one of Dad’s hot peppers in her mouth. She did not jump to her feet. She simply shot straight up and her scream registered 7.5 on the Richter scale. She chased me around and around the house. I was screaming for Mom and she was just screaming. When Mom came outside sister said, “He stuck a hot pepper in my mouth!” and mother said, “Oh, you know that child wouldn’t do that!” It was so beautiful the way mother trusted me. I was in my teens before she wised up to what a lying little savage I was. I paid dearly for my tricks. Sis was four years older and would always exact her revenge. All I can say is it was worth it. What’s the pain of having an ear nailed to an apple tree compared with the ecstasy of seeing your sister shoot heavenward like a rocket? Back to the second graders essay answers. Question: Why did God make mothers? One child said, “She’s the only one who knows where the Scotch tape is.” Another said, “To help us out of there when we were getting born.” Question: What ingredients are mothers made of? I like this kid’s answer best: “Clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.” Think of what kids could get by with if mothers didn’t have that dab of mean. Some of the quickest growing up I did was when that dab of mean kicked in. Question: What kind of little girl was your mom? A little boy said, “I don’t know because I wasn’t there but my guess would be that she was a little bossy.” Question: What did your mom need to know about your dad before she married him? One kid simply said, “His last name.” Another was likely influenced by maternal griping over his father beering up while watching TV and said, “Is he crook? Does he get drunk on beer?” He saw no difference between a man being a crook and getting drunk on beer. Question: Why did your mom marry your dad? One little junior said, “Because my dad makes the best spaghetti in the world and my mom eats a lot.” Another said, “Because she got too old to do anything else with him.” One child brought the grandmother’s influence to bear on the question by saying, “My grandma says mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.” You can see there’s a danger in sending your kids to school. Teachers will learn more about you than they have any business knowing.
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