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Dalton
Roberts |
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Judge Raulston Schoolfield may have saved my political neck when he gave me Schoolfield’s Law on Political Humor: “Be aware that your one-liner may be great but it may also be your one-way ticket to defeat.” He noticed my love of one-liners and told me this story about the time he represented a woman accused of operating “a house of ill repute.” Another lawyer was representing her husband. He lost the case in the lower court and appealed it to a three-judge appeals court. His defense rested on Anglo-Saxon law about the man being the head of the house. Therefore, his female client’s husband would have to be held responsible for whatever happened in their home. He waxed and waned, citing a string of Anglo-Saxon laws and felt that his arguments were really getting through to two of the judges – especially to a little fat, bald judge who would smile and nod as Schoolfield held forth. Still, one of the judges seemed to have something on his mind and appeared unconvinced. Finally, the unconvinced judge asked, “Isn’t it a well-known fact, Mr. Schoolfield, that most of these, uh, establishments of ill repute are run by women?” Raulston’s quick wit leaped forth and he answered, “I have no personal, first-hand knowledge of that, Your Honor, but if you do, I bow to the superior wisdom of the court.” As the humor in Schoolfield’s retort sank in, the little fat, bald judge’s belly started bouncing. He broke out in an unrestrained guffaw and ran from the bench to the judge’s chambers. Schoolfield lost the case. He told me he knew his wisecrack was responsible. Snappy comebacks can be your greatest strength if you are Jay Leno but they can be the downfall of a politician. I am convinced that Adlai Stevenson’s one-liners caused him to lose the presidency. He was a brilliant man running against colorless former General Eisenhower. People didn’t like to see an egghead from Illinois poking fun at their affable military hero. Like the campaign slogan said, they “liked Ike.” People love political satire when it comes from a little guy who is deflating a hotshot and when a national leader is punching out a common national enemy. Remember when Adlai told the Soviet Ambassador to the United Nations that he was “prepared to wait until hell freezes over” for a Russian response about missiles in Cuba. Old Adlai had finally found his forum. Despite the dangers Judge Schoolfield cited on the use of one-liners, I have never been able to resist a good verbal political jab. In my first campaign my opponent’s name was Moore and a powerful judge who was also named Moore was supporting him. In a question and answer session at a civic club someone asked how I felt about Judge Moore supporting my opponent and I said, “Moore and Moore equals less and less.” Some supporters put it o bumper strips. In that setting, the comeback helped because it played me up as the underdog opposed by a wealthy man and a powerful politician. If I had been running for re-election, it would not have worked that well. Look at the political humor loosed on Marti Rutherford when her residency in her council district was being questioned. Everywhere in her district signs popped up, “Marti Rutherford lives here.” I happen to think she represented that district well but the humor used against her worked because it was against an incumbent and not an underdog. It might make Marti feel better to know that even George Washington took some good jabs. Thomas Paine said to him, “As to you, sir, treacherous in private friendship and a hypocrite in public life, the world will be puzzled to decide whether you are an apostate or an imposter.” Your safest strategy in politics is to be boring. Sen. Thomas Corwin told candidate James Garfield, “Never make people laugh. All great monuments are built over solemn jackasses.”
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