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Dalton
Roberts |
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An Alabama reader writes, “We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads and when our heads get so full they can’t hold it, it moves out to the rest of our body.” I am certain this is true but what is making us fat is the volume of disinformation we often store right along with facts. The truth sets you free but manure-covered cookies will blow you up like a balloon. This theory of weight gain makes sense. I don’t have to wait until Harvard Medical School verifies it with double and triple blind research. It resonates with me. It harmonizes with my own experience. I realized a few years ago that my head was refusing to store all the stuff I fed it. At that exact time, my middle and bottom started expanding. The more I read and opened my ears, the bigger I got. More proof became evident when exercise and cutting out bread and sugar did not get rid of the blubber. It’s a different kind of fat. It is impervious to dietary changes. You can run from here to China twice a day, drink nothing but water and eat nothing but dry pork rinds and it will not move from your belly or your booty. Informational tubbiness is so friendly that it never says goodbye. The one and only way to lose fib flabbiness is to get rid of some of the false information people have crammed into your once-gorgeous body. Much of what we have stored away does not stand the test of time. For example, you may have stored away Dick “Haliburton” Cheney’s statement that the Iraqis would welcome us as liberators with open arms. Surely you realize by now that you can safely unload that one. Maybe you stored away one administration official’s testimony before Congress that the Iraqis could rebuild the country with oil income and it should not cost America anything. No need toting that one around another day. At the local level, more bogus blubber is being pumped into your body by county commissioners (Adams, Miller, Skillern, Hullander and Henry) who palaver about how much they support education while denying the schools the basic funds proposed by our conservative, Republican county mayor. The way they ignore Mayor Ramsey’s clear and elementary proposals for improving the future of our children, carefully put together in many community meetings, you would think he had just staggered drunk out of an ACLU meeting. So go ahead and unload several pounds of Curtis Adams’ so-called “news” releases. You won’t be missing a thing. Maybe you can get up out of a chair now without somebody taking you by the hand and pulling you. The Foolish Five have decided their ticket to re-election is to vote against any tax increase no matter what it does to fundamental services. If we allow these self-anointed clown princes (and princess) to further damage our schools, the kids will pay now and the community will pay later. Clemming may also be responsible for some of your weight gain. In case you haven’t heard that word, it was coined in the July 4 issue of Chattanooga Morning Glory. It means “to put a political spin on even moral issues to get political advantage.” Rep. Chris Clem inspired the coining of the word by his Falwellian attitude toward his Republican colleague, Rep. Chris Newton who has been accused of taking payoffs. Can you believe we have a man in the legislature who would want to fire you before you have had your day in court? It shows how un-American you can get posing as a more moral American. Isn’t it wonderful? By simply tuning out Clem and the commission’s Foolish Five you can trim down and look like a million dollars again.
You might enjoy Dalton's website www.daltonroberts.com or enjoy checking out his gathered writings at www.ipsfeatures.com.
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