|
|
Dalton
Roberts |
|
|
|
A reader going through a painful divorce wrote recently wondering if she will ever get over it all. Do not despair over a lost relationship. I can tell you some good things that will come to you when you get through the mechanical aspects of separation. At first, you will feel like a fool. You’ll beat yourself up over “being such a chump.” When you walk among friends and acquaintances you will think they are whispering, “There goes that sucker.” You will come to see that most people are too busy coping with their own challenges to devote a lot of time to gossiping about your misfortunes. The really good news is that your best friends will be there for you. That’s what best friends do. You will slowly but surely trudge and slog your way out of the chump swamp. If you truly loved the person, you will feel a glimmer of self-respect that you were able to silence your inhibitions and fears and open to love. You will start feeling good that you could hold that much love in your heart. To really love and nurture another person is one of the highest emotional and spiritual achievements available to us in this life. No matter how much we romanticize and sensationalize love, it is always a great challenge to become good at it. Half of love is eating the delicious honey and the other half is taking it from the bees. That is where the stings come in. For every ecstasy there is a time when you simply are faithful to the mundane aspects of the relationship like making a budget, working out monetary priorities, and life’s other unromantic chores. At some early point you may face the stark realization that the person did not really care for you to the degree that you cared for them. You will see that whatever it takes to rid yourself of someone who does not care for you is well worth it. Yes, no matter how much pain it causes, it is always worth it. This awareness of your blessing in disguise imparts a freedom of spirit that ripens with time. Leo Durocher coined the phrase, “Nice guys finish last.” If you have been a nice guy in the relationship, you will come to know that Leo was wrong. You will see the truth in the words of Addison Walker, “It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts.” As strange as that maxim sounds in our sports-wild society where so much stock is placed on winning, it is nevertheless completely accurate. Any time we come out of any of life’s relationships (romantic, economic, social, political, whatever) with our integrity intact we are winners. It is fun to win but it is more ennobling to lose with aplomb. Even if you can‘t manage aplomb, “grace” will do just fine. Nothing guarantees your future recovery and happiness like coming out of the fire with your character and values still alive and kicking. I got a chance to observe politics up close. The most despicable people in politics are those who have no values to guide their votes and decisions. Their motivation to get re-elected at any and all costs may never be seen by the trusting public but they know they are selling themselves out and worse, selling out the welfare of the people. The counterpart to this attitude in male/female relationships is acting like your partner is important to you while making all your choices for your own selfish desires. Yes, there is life after the death of a relationship. And if you are true to yourself and your higher values, the quality of your life will amaze you. One survivor told me he now looked back on it as “some higher being coming to my rescue.“ Trust life. It can be that dramatic.
|
