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Dalton
Roberts |
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One of the hardest
things we ever do in this life is to convince someone they are special.
There are just a lot of strong things working against us. We have all paid a
sincere compliment to someone and had them reply with a half apology
rather than a hearty “thank you!” Maybe they have just hit a home
run and we say, “Man, that was one of the most fantastic home runs I
have ever seen!” and they said something like, “It wasn’t where I
wanted to hit it. I was aiming for left field. Something is wrong with
my stance, I guess.” I once played in a
band with a great musician. He was so good I could not help but
compliment him often. Never once did he just thank me. He would
acknowledge my praise but swiftly come back with, “Oh man! I
appreciate it but my voice is rough as a cob tonight,” or “Really? I
thought I sounded awful.” Don’t ever think the
big problem with people is pride. The most difficult thing for us is
creating a genuine sense of self-worth. Granted, there is a
lot of pride but much of it is false pride -- a spreading of our inner
peacock tail to cover awareness of perceived weaknesses. The old
Shakespearean quote, “Methinks thou protesteth too much” is
especially appropriate here. When we crow the loudest is when we are
inwardly eating crow. As I became more
conscious of this tendency in our behavior, for one week when I had a
lot of lunches and dinners set up with good friends I made it a point to
pay an honest and sincere compliment to each one. Out of the seven only
one came back with unconditional, unselfconscious gratitude. She simply
said, “Thank you. Dalton. That means a lot to me.” Bear in mind that all
my compliments were factual and totally honest. I picked out something
about each person that I genuinely admired. Yet, six out of seven showed
some discomfort with my accurate and honest appraisals. Tell me why this is
true? My theory is that our upbringing and education make us tend toward
self-criticism and awareness of what we lack rather than what we
possess. What’s the most
frequent word of a parent to a child from the time they start crawling
until they are out of their teens? Isn’t it “No!”? When we start
crawling and exploring, we are always reaching toward something that
will break or some item that could hurt us. We are clumsy things,
unaware of life’s many dangers. Freud and many psychologists say the
first six years of life are the most formative so we start out with a
tractor-trailer load of “nos” and each one makes us feel stupid or
inadequate. The next most
formative stage is adolescence and we are just as socially clumsy in our
teens, as we were physically undeveloped in early childhood. This is
true in all social interactions but especially in opposite sex
relationships. Outside the family the
most dominant adult commentary on our behavior comes from teachers, and
what do teachers do? They grade us! We even call the different years of
school “grades.” In every course we are continuously evaluated. Yet, we really are
special. If we hadn’t been special, we could not have made it to where
we are today. Rather than making us proud or arrogant, it is more likely
to bring a beautiful humility that silently breathes, “Thank you,
God.” So keep right on
telling people what you admire and love about them. Keep telling them
they are special. It may get through. The musician I mentioned must have
finally believed me. One night after a gig he gave me a treasured gift
in a Red Food Store grocery sack. It was a mirror with the words,
“Love thine own self.” Climbing Mount Everest
is a piece of cake compared to climbing Mount Self Worth. Check out DR's
website at www@daltonroberts.com.
His writings are gathered at www.ipsfeatures.com.
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