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Dalton
Roberts |
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Five
hundred years before Christ, Heraclitus said, “You cannot go into the
same river twice.” It sounds silly but he is right because he is
talking about change and no matter how many times you walk in the river,
it is always different. Every
day you walk out your door, the world is different. Every person you saw
yesterday will be different today, some sadder and some happier. Some
may even be gone. One day I had lunch with a friend and the next day he
died. One
day I knew a man who was scraping out a hard living and the next day he
had millions. Some spiritual giants have taught that all change is
simply a chance at soul practice. It is easier to believe that when
things go to suit us. I
am not a spiritual giant. When something painful crashes into my world,
I tend to think of it as “bad.” I hope you are a more evolved soul
but from my observation most people quickly classify unpleasant
experiences that way. My
way of trying to gain growth from setbacks is to ask three questions of
each experience. The first is more a request than a question. I simply
ask the unpleasant experience to not let me repress it. To keep elbowing
me until I think. To
repress is to regress. That which we don’t express tends to crawl off
into our inner being and die. Like a big stinking bubble it pops out
when we least expect it and bursts in our face. The
second question I ask in a time of change is, “What good has come of
the ‘bad’ experiences of my life?” You know, those things we
quickly chalked up as “bad” when they first slugged us in the pit of
the stomach. If
you don’t keep a journal it is important to write down the answers to
that question. St. Paul called it “stirring up the pure mind by way of
remembrance.” I call it training my eyes to see what they don’t want
to see and my ears to hear what they don’t want to hear. You will find
that many of the things you called “bad” led to transformations and
more satisfying situations. Maybe you survived the brutality of the one
you thought you couldn’t live without, learned how to spot a purveyor
of poison and then found someone that respected and cared for you. Sure
there is usually a touch of sadness. Anatole France said, “All
changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we
leave behind us is a part of ourselves.” If only we could see those
pieces of ourselves we invested in old relationships and situations as
seeds that will yield good fruit in due season. Some seeds grow
self-esteem for us by knowing we did some things right in a bad
situation. Finally,
I ask myself, “What bad has come from situations I once saw as
good?” This one is harder because it requires admitting we were wrong
in a loving assumption. However, it can ultimately do you more good than
the other two questions by creating the habit of keeping an eye on our
glib and shallow assumptions. One such assumption is thinking someone
loves you when they repeat it like a brain-damaged parrot. Until someone
walks with you through some rain, stands by you through some pain and
puts little feet on big pretty words you can only classify them as
neutral. They haven’t yet done anything substantial for your happiness
and welfare. Self-evident facts like this can get lost in the steam of
passion and the smoke of pipe dreaming Washington
Irving summed it up: “There is a certain relief in change even though
it is from bad to worse. I have found in traveling in a stage coach that
it is often a comfort to shift one’s position and be bruised in a new
place.” Settle for nothing less the next time you step in the river of change.
Dalton's
website is www.DaltonRoberts.com.
His gathered writings are at www.ipsfeatures.com.
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