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Dalton
Roberts |
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Charles Jones
said, "Five years from now you will be pretty much as you are today
except for two things: the books you read and the people you get close
to." If you disbelieve him, do an exercise I
did today. Write the titles of books and the names of close friends that
have profoundly impacted you. By "profoundly" I mean books and
people that quickly changed the direction and quality of your life. I
ended up with fewer than ten books and friends. We choose our
books more consciously than our close friends. We literally stumble into
people who become close to us. We may have an innate recognition that
this person will become dear to us, but most of the time it is a while
before deep bonding. Here's what I
mean by a book that can profoundly change us. While struggling to make
ends meet as a teacher, I worked on weekends as a guard at a bank
building. One night I saw a book on a lawyer's desk as I made my early
round. I borrowed it and sat in the lobby reading it until the end of my
shift. I could hardly wait until the next day's shift to get my hands on
it again. Within three months I doubled my salary. The title of the
book was "How To Make A Habit of Success" by Robert Haldane.
It struck down one of my fundamental life assumptions -- that we learn
from our failures. It clearly convinced me that we only learn the deep
lessons from our successes. We learn to succeed in a big way by studying
even our smallest successes. To make profound
changes, a book must move us away from thoughts that keep us stuck in
the mud of comfortable assumptions. We also need to choose a few friends
for the same purpose. A friend who always agrees with you is a delight,
but we need a few who love us enough to make us think. One of my closest
friends is an atheist. I figure if my spiritual values cannot withstand
the hand grenades he sometimes lobs into my warm and fuzzy theological
foxholes, how can they possibly withstand life's tornadoes and
hurricanes? He likes me well enough to always tell me exactly what he
thinks. Every believer
needs a non-believing friend. Every non-believer needs a believing
friend. But it must always be a close friend or we will not pay
attention. We will automatically shut them out. I am not saying
we need constant debates with our close friends. Most of our time with
them should be fun and fulfilling. Add honesty and openness to fun and
fulfillment and you have a life-changing friendship. Books should
serve the same purpose. Being raised in a religious atmosphere that
inclined me to think I should go out and save the world, laying down the
precious moments of my life in service to others. It made me ready
for the jolt of Harry Browne's "How I Found Freedom In An Unfree
World." It was a powerful relief to know that I cannot make anyone
happy unless I first make myself happy. It took the world off my back.
Instead of making me self-centered, it gave me the balance to serve
others without forever being in the strain of guilt. While we do come
into many friendships without great forethought, there is no reason we
cannot select a new friend for the purpose of specific enrichment in an
arid area of our life. My favorite poet has been James Dillet Freeman.
One day I gathered the audacity to write him and ask if he would be my
friend. The last fifteen years of his life, he was a source of extreme
joy and personal growth for me. What new book do
you keep thinking you should read? What new friend do you need to get
close to? Dare to go for it. You might enjoy
Dalton's website (www.daltonroberts.com)
or perusing his gathered writings at www.ipsfeatures.com.
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