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WE HUNGER FOR A PERSONAL TOUCH
9-6-09
In my journal of this date I have a letter from
my paternal grandfather, Isaac Roberts. I had written him while sitting
in study hall to see what he thought of me becoming a lawyer. Later I
changed directions. Most of us have had a half dozen ideas of what we
want to be and do in life.
He said, "I think to try to counsel you in any of the activities of your
life would be pure egotism."
It bothered me that his note was so brief and curt. I admired him. He
had raised 10 children and eked out a living as farmer, beekeeper and
one of the first chiropractors in north Alabama. He was an eloquent
Methodist preacher and had a sparkle about him that drew me like a moth
to a porch light. I think the desire to be touched by that sparkle was
what I really wanted. It's the hunger to find a little of that sparkle
that makes us seek the touch of great stars.
Over the years I have wondered why his brief response bothered me. It
wasn't because he failed to counsel me. I have come to realize it was
because I desired personal contact with him and he failed to show
interest in it.
I am certain Grandpa didn't intend to rebuff me. He had not been around
me enough to read me. I visited him shortly after this letter and he
gave me lots of his time. Most of our time was spent in laughter and
stories. He repeated his belief that for him to try to counsel me would
be pure egotism.
If this story has any meaning at all for me now, it is this: Be alert to
openings for friendship with young people who feel a need for your
touch. And not just young people. Every day we meet and greet many
people and some of them are carrying heavy loads. They will receive a
boost from our gentleness and kindness. Through mindfulness we can learn
to feel and see how much of a personal touch they need from us.
These occasions are more likely to happen with our family and circle of
close friends. It is not rocket science to keep the door to your heart a
little open so they can see a little light coming out. All living things
are drawn to the light.
We all have those times when we reach back to be fed by our roots. We
never outgrow the need for a personal touch from our parents and
grandparents. People get into genealogical research due to this thirst
for our roots. Sometimes the desire to be nurtured by those who came
before doesn't strike until our final years. My father was in a
genealogical research frenzy the last few years of his life and I am the
benefactor of his efforts.
Occasionally a young person will want to walk into our heart and mind
for a visit. Allow them. You don't need to feel that they need
counseling. Counseling is the least important thing you have to offer.
The main thing you have to offer is yourself and how fortunate that is
-- that is the main thing they need.
That was what I really needed from my grandfather. Just a little piece
of his time. Just a thought or two. Just a few minutes in his heart and
mind. Just a personal touch.
We can desire to be self-directed, independent beings and that is
definitely a worthy objective. But we all will forever need the touch of
others. We are human beings and humans never outgrow their need for
humans.
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