6-29-03
FORGETTING WHAT YOU FORGAVE
A husband asked, "Why do you keep bringing up my past mistakes. I thought you had forgiven and forgotten."
"I did forgive and forget," said the wife. "But I don't want you to forget that I forgave and forgot."
We flog ourself because it is sometimes too hard to instantly forgive. Some things cut too deep. As long as there is a solid wall of pain, all we can do is be open to changing our feelings.
The best we can do when the hurt is too deep, is to make a conscious choice to begin working through the barbed wire of resentment, disappointment and hate. Yes, hate. Anywhere there is anger there is hate.
That conscious choice is a Jericho trumpet call to our higher self to go to work on the layers of feeling. It may seem like an insignificant thing. But it is the first domino. Until we push it, nothing happens.
It is really the only thing we can do to get clear of the pain. Like regular surgery, it does not result in an instantaneous healing. It is merely a start but there has never been a person who reached their desired destination without making a start.
As for forgetting, we have no control. To try to make yourself forget is to embed something more deeply into the subconscious. Thank God there is something a Willie Nelson songs calls "the healing hands of time." Each day that time softens the memory of the acts that created great anguish to your soul, you are forgetting more.
Rather than forget it, we actually just re-structure the memory. We may, for example, quit seeing a hurtful action as intentional cruelty and come to realize it was a compulsive disorder. Each time an old painful memory comes to mind, we have a fresh new chance to change the way we see it. It's not a failure to face the facts but a chance to see new facets of those facts. It is an opportunity to defuse a stink bomb in our mind..
Nothing has helped me to forgive more that realizing some of the nasty things for which I have sought Divine forgiveness. I noticed long ago that I became aware of Divine forgiveness long before I forgave myself.
You will be able to forgive others only to the extent you can forgive yourself. Self-abuse has nothing to do with forgiveness. It only leads to more self-inflicted pain.
Don't give up. God is infinite and as children of the Infinite we have infinite attributes to call upon. All things are possible for us.
*****
For more writings by Dalton Roberts, go to his website:
http://www.daltonroberts.com/
